A black and white photo of several light-skinned people hanging out during Mardi Gras in 1979. A few people are wearing uniforms, either police or fire, that have helmets to go along with them. One person is dressed as a mouse and is bent over with their hands on their knees while they’re smiling. There’s a traffic light in the background.

In early November, Mayor LaToya Cantrell announced that the City would be accepting suggestions for an “alternative Mardi Gras” in lieu of the usual festivities. The submission period ended December 5. We sat down over king cake and combed through 435 pages of proposals (along with a folder of attachments from stock photos to flowcharts) and offer you these one-of-a-kind throws from that rich parade of ideas submitted by amateur epidemiologists, would-be revellers, and entrepreneurs seeking a piece of that sweet, sweet pandemic pageantry.

As a nurse practitioner, my recommendation is to please cancel Mardi Gras 2020. The risks are too great. —A.S., NP

I am a physician and have been working during the entire pandemic… Allowing MG to happen this year is just a recipe for disaster. —C.G., MD

As an emergency medicine physician… I am absolutely horrified that you were considering going ahead with Mardi Gras this year. —S.R., MD

I’m a former adjunct professor of meteorology so I know that this will work… Do it in Woldenburg Riverfront Park. Because of the river to land pressure difference, there is always a breeze blowing from the river toward the park. … Not trying to brag but I’m good at micrometeorology so you should have me out to discuss it all at the park. —T.K., Adj. Prof., Meteorology (fmr.)

The little mosquito truck that passes, let it spray [disinfectant] spray like lysol. N.M.


My idea is… Tardy Gras! … This approach would make the city seem a bit more understanding to those that value the Mardi Gras experience for personal or business reasons. —J.D.

As in Saturday Night Fever, our theme will be “Stayin Alive!!”!  “Ah ah ah we’re stayin alive, stayin alive, ah ah ah ah, we’re stayin alive!!!” … I love y’all. History will tell if we get this right. —T.T., 60 years old.

Mardi Gras cant be cancelled anymore than Christmas can be! Attached is a photo at the best Mardi Gras ever—Police Strike 1979! Everyone had a blast! I’m the mouse. —D.G. 


A grayscale diagram showing how drones could sanitize the French Quarter. There’s an illustration of a small, white drone that is spraying something on an illustration of a building in the French Quarter. Whatever the drone is spraying comes down in a gray, triangular shape.

We see that you’ve announced Mardi Gras is canceled. That’s good. Now you can renege on that and plan a “secret” local mardi gras… I don’t know HOW secret this could be kept. But if news agencies keep quiet and people are sworn to NOT give out the info, and IF there are LEAKS, the rest of Mardi Gras will be canned, we MIGHT be able to do this… —A.M.M.P.

do a face book online Mardi Gras page! Everyone can LOL —B.A.

Allowing balls [to] shut up the krewes may be unavoidable. I don’t know the politics at play here, but I assume they will demand something and you will have to cave somewhere for the purpose of civility. I don’t have a solution to this, and I don’t know enough to propose one. —N.N.

All Balls should be outside R.L.W.

Here’s my pitch: You gargle on my balls while I go to Metairie parades —P.L.1Note: Jefferson Parish authorities have cancelled Metairie parades due to the ongoing coronavirus pandemic.

You cannot stop us. We will not refuse to drink. We will not refuse to congregate in the streets. —J.

I’ll go party in Mobile where it all began. —M.V.2Note: Mobile authorities have cancelled Mardi Gras parades due to the ongoing coronavirus pandemic

Covid is spreading WITHOUT Mardi Gras. Which means, Mardi Gras parades aren’t responsible for the spread of Covid. —C.Y.

We did not evaluate submissions for scientific accuracy; this column does not constitute medical advice. If you believe you have been exposed to COVID-19, follow CDC guidelines so that this year’s Mardi Gras Muck won’t be your last.

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