Though they make their bed-head in Seattle, New Orleans can lay partial claim to the Pharmacy, a scruffy garage-pop trio who spent the better part of a year soaking up some of our city’s vibes and cavorting with party-happy locals. Their newest album, Stoned & Alone, drops this month and it certainly sounds like they found a few gems here in America’s great rock’n’roll bargain bin. Their most polished production to date, Stoned is a throwback trip, rounding up the best parts of 60sera rock and West Coast haze, as if they were the Black Lips’ better-behaved little brothers. They’ll be hitting up Siberia on November 25th and we were lucky to snag drummer Brendhan Bowers as November’s counselor to the damned.
I consider myself to be a progressive and very liberal woman. I don’t like rap music because of its portrayal of women and I don’t like it when guys treat women like a piece of meat. I’m anti strip club. However, I really like dirty talk in the bedroom. I struggle with using words like “slut” and “cunt” during sex, but it just feels so right. How can I deal with this personality conflict?
Woah. This is a weird question. You sound like a pretty uptight and selfish person. I don’t like to see people treated as meat either but yesterday on a flight back to Seattle, I was watching a David Attenborough special on primates and the more “progressive” of the monkey species. I was sitting there, watching all these monkeys that moved and looked just like humans and it was beautiful and fascinating until the baboons appeared. The baboons of southern Ethiopia travel in packs and kidnap other lady baboons from surrounding baboon tribes and carry them back with their mouths and then rape them. And I thought Oh my god. That’s so sad and terrible. And then I thought, Oh my god. That happens in the human world too. It’s a patriarchal society on all ends of the spectrum. It’s terrible and evil but it’s how most animals exist. Humans are still animals, just communicating and really, living in a different dimension. The Bonobo monkey, on the other hand, exists in a primarily matriarchal-run society. They possess the positive attributes of sharing and teamwork (which is really all you need for a utopian society) and frequently practice sex recreationally (homosexually and heterosexually), sometimes hanging from trees, “fencing” with their long penises or cumming in each other’s mouths. They say their intense sex drive calms them, making them much less aggressive than that of other monkey species. Maybe if we weren’t all hung up on sex and feeling free, we could coexist and learn to love each other. I think rap music is just voicing pent-up sexual aggression, the same pent-up sexual aggression you have and relinquish when you yell out “slut” and “cunt” whilst engaging in sexual intercourse. You should feel free and give freedom to that which you do not understand. You should write a rap song using those words slut and cunt and juicy butt and maybe you’ll be a better person. As far as strip clubs go, those are the cause and solution for sexual frustration. I’ve only been to one. It was last year in New Orleans for my friend Sheila’s birthday and it was a very dark and depressing time. I wept for days.
My bandmate is trying to bang this younger girl who thinks she is an artist, so he has told her that she can design our new album’s cover. The problem is, her designs look amateurish at best. No one else in my band seems to care, but I feel like this is our best album so far and I want it to look at least decent. Do I have to quit my band?
Woah. Even weirder… Your band sucks. Either quit or use a close-up of a 7-Eleven cheese-filled hot dog for the cover.
When I was in high school I always picked up girls by giving them mix tapes. I made amazingly good mix tapes. It was my way of breaking the ice. I got married and after 11 years I find myself newly single again and without a mix tape to lean on. What’s the mix tape of this era?
Are you asking what format best suits your method of wooing a lady with blissful song or are you asking me to recite sweet bands that make you seem like a cool jerk? I think Hoobastank on the answering machine is what kids are going for these days or the sound of two female bonobo monkeys gyrating and swelling their vaginas together, looped over an industrial drum beat… “Postfuture tribal” I think is what it’s called. That should work. Wait a second… Are you 40-something and still trying to pick up high school girls? Yucky vibes, guy.
