Mike Cooley is frequently a man of few words. He tends to save his best ones for writing lyrics with his band of 18 years, Drive-by Truckers. But he took the time to answer a few questions from our readers for the final advice column of 2013. Cooley plays a rare solo set at Gasa Gasa on Saturday, December 7th and Drive-by Truckers just announced that the release of their next album, English Oceans, is slated for March 2014. Keep reading to see what gems the man who penned the line “just ‘cause I don’t run my mouth don’t mean I got nothin’ to say” had to dole out to our readers.
I hate my friend’s boyfriend. He groped me at a party once. But she lives with him, so I keep avoiding her because I don’t know what to do. How should I handle it?
Gosh, I mean… maybe you should just get some new friends. I would give it time, though. Your friend will probably figure out he’s an asshole and it’ll take care of itself.
Is it an honor to have a drink named after you? Or does that make you a slut? What about sandwiches?
I love slutty sandwiches. No, it’s an honor to have a drink named after you. Well, if it’s something you actually drink—that may be the catch. If it’s a drink you’ve never even heard of, it might mean you’re a slut. If it’s the drink that makes your clothes fall off, I wouldn’t take that as a compliment. As for sandwiches, I don’t know. I would ask the guy at the deli.
Everyone thinks I’m crazy, so I’m afraid to show my emotions. What should I do?
That’s a hard one. There’s a double standard, you know? When women show emotion, they’re crazy. When men do it, it’s noble—it’s a show of strength. When we cry, we get commended for dropping our guard a little bit. And that’s not fair. I wish I could solve that.
My friends’ bands suck. How do I get them to stop playing music?
Failure may take care of that. Or not. I mean, a lot of people suck at golf, but they keep doing it. It’s just quieter. Just make sure you have something to do every time they play a gig.
What do you do when you love a friend in real life, but their online personality makes you hate them?
That’s way out of my wheelhouse. I don’t do Facebook or Twitter or any of that stuff, so I’ve never encountered that. But I don’t really hang out with people that much. I find human beings to be insufferable on most all levels, so I don’t feel obligated to keep dealing with somebody who acts like a jackass. I don’t allow myself to encounter that. You know, I don’t consider being antisocial a negative characteristic.
