He’s been called many things: the Pope of Trash, Prince of Puke, Cecil B. DeMented. He is as famous for his perverted smile and the wispy sliver of hair on his upper lip as he is for directing a very large drag queen to eat hot’n’fresh dog feces on camera for all the world to see. While Hairspray may have been his only commercial “hit,” John Waters remains the twisted godfather of cult cinema, beloved and adored by fans worldwide. I had the rare chance to speak with him in advance of his Christmas- themed show at the newly reopened Civic Theatre. Delightfully sardonic, self-aware and open, Waters shared with us thoughts on indulging his perverse curiosity at live nativity scenes, the rescinding of one of his most famous declarations, and how to endear yourself to the young.
Tell us a little bit about what we can expect from your Christmas- themed show.
John Waters: Well, you’re going to hear me talk about everything from the worst presents you could give to the best. How to sexually reward people for giving the right kind of present at Christmas. What to do if you go home and you have an abusive family. What to do if you really want to show your love to somebody. About Christmas music, Christmas art, Christmas television shows… it’s for the Christmas- obsessed. If you love Christmas or hate Christmas, I’ve got a story for you.
I get a lot of flak for it, but I’m a huge lover of Christmas. People call it childish or materialistic, but I don’t care. It’s still my favorite time of year.
I think they should start pushing it after July 4th. It used to be, when I was younger, that it started right after Thanksgiving. Now it’s Halloween. But I’m pushing for… I guess Labor Day if you want to be liberal about it. But I have to be careful because, you see, Sarah Palin just put out a book about bringing Christmas back and how it’s too politically correct now. I’m very much against the government supporting Christmas because there are people who don’t believe in it. So I find that kind of hilarious for all the people in the world that don’t celebrate Christmas—how horrible it must be for them and I feel bad for them, so I talk to those people, too. So you can come to my show if you’re the person who gets angry every time you walk out of your house and see a crèche [live nativity]. Which, I am too—especially if it’s on government grounds. I was a big fan of [atheist activist] Madalyn Murray O’Hare, who was from Baltimore and got prayer taken out of schools. So she would be right there—if she were alive— bashing Christmas on state property. I also go to living crèches all the time as a pervert because there’s something so scary about them—something so beyond Diane Arbus. I’m attracted to them how most people go to haunted houses. I bet there’s some scary ones in New Orleans! Just think about it: someone’s screaming baby, next to a mule that kicks, surrounded by hay that could catch on fire!
I had the pleasure of seeing you at Bonnaroo a few summers ago and I must say that you had the entire tent in stitches. I’ve read multiple places that you feel like you connect well with younger audiences. Why do you think that is?
I think young people recognize me as that insane uncle they wish they had. They don’t want me to be their father and God knows they don’t want me to be their grandfather (even though I could). So I think they see me as that insane uncle. I’ll get you out of jail. I’ll get you an abortion. I’ll help you dig your way out of trouble, even though I’ll steer you in the right direction. And I keep up with new music. We have a great scene in Baltimore with Dan Deacon and Beach House and all those. If you tell me about a new rap group, I’ll give you a bottle of poppers. I pay off for that knowledge.
I’m sure I can’t be the first person to ask this question, but I’ve yet to find the answer and I’m dying to know. The pencil-thin mustache: it’s obviously a huge part of your “character” now. Do you keep it because it makes you instantly recognizable? Or are you just really endeared to the look?
I guess both. I keep it because it gets me jobs. It’s part of my identity. I don’t even think I have a mustache. In my mind, I don’t think I have one.
And yet I could put it on with my eyes blindfolded and still not cut any hairs off or miss it with a pencil. I went into great detail about how I do it in my last book, Role Models. I said in one of my other books that the day I turned 60, I was going to wear it blue. And I did wear it blue to my 60th birthday party, but I saw pictures and I looked like such a fool. I was angry at my friends for allowing it. So I’m back to the Maybelline black. But there’s definitely hair there. I have to trim it. I think I must have bad lighting in my bathroom though, because whenever I’m in a hotel—which is constantly—it’s always a shock like “Oh my God, you better trim that up!” It’s horrifying. You know, they always have lights like that in the bathroom, but they never have good lights by the bed for reading. Not everyone fucks in a hotel. Not everyone is that lucky every night. So I like to read when I’m on tour, but it’s tough in hotels. Even the fancy ones! Sometimes the fancier, the worse the lighting. But I judge all hotel rooms by their trash can. And I take a photo of every trash can. It’s like a personal diary.
One of your more famous utterings has been made into a thousand internet memes. You know the one—how we should make reading cool again by refusing to sleep with people who don’t own books.
I know. I talk about that one in the show a lot, but I’m lying. If they’re cute enough, who’s looking at their bookshelf?
Wow. You totally just blew me out of the water. I was going to suggest a cooperative campaign with the literacy council…
I said it for so many years, but then somebody called me out and said, “I thought you liked weirdo guys who were criminals and shit. Do you think they read?” And she’s a little right. But I talk about in my show something that’s even worse—if you go home with a racist and they’re cute enough, can you sleep with them? And I must admit I have. It’s really embarrassing, but you just start going “la-la-la-la-la- la-la” when they’re saying that shit. If they keep it up, stuff something in their mouth and shut ‘em up. You can sexually silence a racist. That’s fun.
I feel like Baltimore and New Orleans are cities of kinship and that maybe we should get together with Detroit and make a triad of somewhat screwed up, but awesome cities.
I disagree on one point. Detroit still feels bad about itself; Baltimore doesn’t. And what I really respect about New Orleans that I think is different from Baltimore is that New Orleans does not participate in America. And I find that amazing. It just doesn’t. Trends… I don’t think they hit there. It’s a great town that already has seceded from the country, in a way. And maybe that’s why they were so shitty to them when there was a hurricane, which I would be even more pissed off about. But it’s the feeling that when you’re there, it is a separate country. It is a separate island away from the rest of America. And I think most people in New Orleans are quite happy with that.
We’re becoming known as Hollywood South—land of opportunities and fat tax credits. Would you ever consider making a movie in New Orleans?
There’s actually a good story… I don’t expect you to know it, but you can look it up. When Louisiana first started doing that—20-something years ago or something like that—there was a fake John Waters that went down there and raised money, claiming that he was making the sequel to Hairspray and it was all a scam. It was in all the papers. The Film Commission had to apologize. They had given him a party. Look it up! The major paper covered it heavily. And I was shocked, you know. People were saying, “they’re making the sequel to Hairspray and I said “Well, they’re not” blah blah blah but people said “Oh, it’s John Waters.” And I didn’t want to be conceited and assume there wasn’t another person that would make a dance party movie. But then I looked online and I said “That’s not me!”
How did he pull that off ? Did he look like you?
No! And then he wrote me from prison! I didn’t answer. I don’t want to encourage that. There’s a fake me on Facebook, too. People would come up and say “Oh, thank you for writing me on Facebook” and I’d think “I didn’t write you! I don’t even look at Facebook.” But this person shows up and the answers sound like something I would write. He wasn’t bad at it. But once he got caught, he shut up.
It’s been over 10 years sinceyou’ve directed a film. There were rumblings about Fruitcake…
Yeah, but I still tell people what to do even when I’m not making a movie. It’s the same thing. I just pull strings. But I write books and I have speaking tours and I do write shows. I still try to make movies, but the film business is completely different. The best book about it is this book that just came out called Sleepless in Hollywood, by Lynda Obst and it really explains how, since I started 50 years ago, the film business is no longer something that I know. It’s about global markets for movies that don’t even need subtitles because they’re all special effects and lack movie stars. That’s not what I do. I don’t even see those movies. I don’t know which one is which. They’ll say “well it’s the #1 movie” and I’ll think “God, I never thought of seeing that,” because when I went to the movies and saw the trailer, it was like a warning: DO NOT SEE THIS. I just still love weird art movies. And I still go to the movies, which means I’m an old person. I still buy CDs too. That also makes me an old person. I actually love when people ask “How do you feel about young people watching your movies on their cell phones?” and I think it’s better because my early movies are so technically terrible that you can’t recognize all the mistakes, so I’m for that!
Speaking of your early films, they often read like a group of friends just hanging out and making a movie together. Did you wear a lot of hats back then? Did you have your hands in things like wardrobe, set design and music?
The first movies I made, like Hag in a Black Leather Jacket, Roman Candles and Eat Your Makeup, there was nobody but me. I would rent the cameras from newscasters from local TV stations, who would illegally take the cameras home to make pocket money by lending them to me. They taught me how to do it. And I learned from my mistakes. I would shoot a whole day and it would all just not work and come back black. So you really learn when you’re doing it that way. But it was much better when I had help.
Do you have any plans to release your earlier work on DVD?
I can’t because of music rights issues. I didn’t even really know then that you had to pay for it; or if I did know it, I ignored it. So that’s something I tell every young person who asks me about filmmaking: pay for your movie’s music rights. And it’s very expensive. And it gets more expensive. I wish I had paid for it back then. It would’ve been a lot cheaper than today.
Let’s go out on a fun one. You have the opportunity to remake any “classic” film. Endless budget, brilliant actors, freedom to put your own unique spin on it. What do you tackle and why?
I guess make It’s a Wonderful Life, but have everything be awful. Or I’ve always said I would make a sequel to The Wizard of Oz, where after it ended and [Dorothy] came back to the farm, she kept talking about Oz so much that they put her through electroshock therapy. Then she started taking all these different drugs to try and get back and finally she took some poppers and landed back in Oz for just 20 minutes. And she saw the Scarecrow, who had written a book called Friends of Dorothy, and the Cowardly Lion was a drag queen and he gave her the Wicked Witch’s outfit, and she came back to Kansas and started wearing it and cross-dressing as Margaret Hamilton and now owns a gay bar called the Yellow Brick Load. How about that?
A John Waters Christmas comes to the Civic Theatre on Tuesday, December 10th at 8pm. Tickets and more info at civicnola.com
