I scrub floors and scour counters with my lips curled up.
Each surface warrants a fresh cloth, white and unmarred
Because the devil lies in filth that I must rub into nothing.
I don’t know Sophia Jacobs, the author of the poem “Cleanliness” from which I’ve quoted a stanza above, but I think she knows me. For I have spent innumerable hours of my life compulsively banishing devilish dirt from the homes in which I’ve resided. Come October, it will be 14 years since I decided to become a professional exorcist of other people’s grimy filth demons. Running a cleaning business has been, for the most part, a very rewarding experience, but it’s also been a hell of a lot of work. I put my heart, soul, brain, and every inch of my bod (ouch) into this cleaning thang. When I started my business (Eco-Clean Cleaning Service), I was kind of ashamed that I was cleaning to bring in the dough and so didn’t tell a lot of people. The uppity bitch part of me considered cleaning up after people to be a demeaning and plebeian occupation. But I’ve developed an immense pride in what I do for a living. Cleaning has become for me a kind of art or witchery. Your dust bunnies aren’t only made up of sloughed skin cells, shed hair, and other gross bodily and household detritus. Them woofinpoofs sometimes harbor gnarly vibes, and eliminating this physical and psychic filth ain’t for the faint of heart. Thank goodness for September 17! For on this day National Professional House Cleaners Day is celebrated, and I’m reminded of the loving sanctity and importance of cleaning for peeps. In 2019 the American House Cleaners Association (AHCA) decided that it was high time to change the narrative surrounding cleaning professionally, from a mindless, menial task to a profession that not only requires oodles of business, social, physical, and emotional skills, but is a job to be profoundly proud of. For loving and being of service to others really is what life is all about, ma dudes. So on September 17 give the professional cleaners in your life a high-five or dap or hug or lots of money, and thank them for removing dirt and stress from your life and adding a little more cleanliness and happiness. Below you will find answers to your cleaning questions.
How do I get the mold out of my window air conditioner?
Are we all in the bowels of hell right now or is it just me? This is why having a functioning and clean a/c is crucial! Can you imagine not having artificially cooled air blasting your bod right now? Apparently you can’t, as 52% of all home energy consumption is a result of cooling and heating. Air conditioners are in 88% of homes in the U.S. of A. When you say your prayers at night or thank the universe for blessings or send out good energy, include some heavenly daps for Willis Carrier, who invented the first modern electrical air conditioning unit. His “Apparatus For Treating Air” was developed in 1902 to control humidity that was causing magazines at the Sackett & Wilhelms Lithographing & Printing company in Brooklyn to wrinkle. Air conditioners were first used for “comfort cooling” of humans at the St. Louis World’s Fair in 1904. The sweet, sweet window unit was developed by H.H. Schultz and J.Q. Sherman in 1932. Henry Galson made the magical machines smaller and less expensive, and by 1947 about 43,000 of them had been sold. Thanks, fellas. With all of this said, it’s very important to keep these units clean so they work efficiently for as long as possible and don’t poison us with dirt and mold whilst doing so. The filter of your a/c is the most important part to keep muck free and should be cleaned monthly, as a filter coated with dirt impedes airflow and will cause your unit to break. It’s also the easiest part of the machine to clean. Remove the filter, take it outside, and shake and slap the sucker to loosen the dirt. Now grab a dry rag and wipe off the remaining particles. Wash the filter with warm water and your favorite dish detergent (use Dawn), and let it dry in the sun. Deep cleaning the other parts of the a/c is a pain in the ass because you essentially have to take it apart to get all up in there, but you should do it at least once a year. First, you’ll need to remove the unit from the window. You’ll definitely want to clean the a/c outside, as the job can get messy. Grab a screwdriver and a camera—you’ll want to take photos of the disassembly, so you can put the thing back together. Detach the control panel/face of the unit, and wash the adjustable louvers and grill of the control panel in the sink, like the filter. If mold is present, spray with 3% hydrogen peroxide, and use a scouring pad to scrub it all away. Mold tends to hang on for dear life, so banishing it requires exhaustive abrading. Towel dry, then let the sun remove any remaining water. Now you’ll clean the fins that live directly behind the control panel. The fins are those extremely sharp metal things that can shred your hands and get misshapen if you use a rag to clean them. In lieu of a rag, use compressed air or a soft bristled brush to remove the debris. If they are super yucky, cover the electrical components of the a/c with plastic wrap and spray the fins with 3% hydrogen peroxide and let this sit for 10 minutes. Grab your garden hose with the sprayer set to mist and lightly spray the fins. Now it’s time to clean the a/c innards. Use a vacuum with a crevice attachment to suck up as much dry particulate as possible. With your plastic wrap still in place, spray the interior with hydrogen peroxide, giving the drain pan and fan extra attention, as mold tends to grow on these. Walk away for 10 minutes. With plastic still in place, hose the inside of the unit. Tilt the unit to the side whilst doing this, so that the mucky water drains as you spray. Towel dry the areas of the a/c that you can reach, followed by air drying for 24 hours. Using your photos for guidance, reassemble the unit. Replace the control panel and reinstall the a/c. Voila, clean and cold air in yo face!
Got cleaning questions? Email isabel@antigravitymagazine.com
illustrations by Ben Claassen III | @dirtfarm
