A MURDER OF MOLLUSKS
Snails and slugs are an inevitable hurdle to any grower of plants, from the tiny ornamental home gardener to the full bore large-scale crop farmer. They are also so alien and exist in a manner that is extremely counterintuitive to our practical notion of what creatures of the land big and small should look like. On top of that, they do sex crazy style and for me that really seals the deal that these little fellas are not of this world. I know there are sincere, scientifically half-baked notions that octopi are aliens. I contend sincerely that all mollusks are aliens—yes, cephalopods are mollusks (yes, octopi are cephalopods). Someday somebody scientific’s gonna make you look around and see I’m right.
Let us now weave through some of the many-faceted spaces where the snail and slug leave a slime trail—some practical, some a little more esoteric, some downright alien. We could really spiral out of control here with the snail metaphors and even just straightforward facts, given the role they play in our gardens and the world, but let’s stick with what they do that we like in the garden, what they do that we hate in the garden, and what we can do to mitigate what they do in the garden.
Snails can ruin everything you love in the garden and are easy to miss when it’s not wet out. You will never find the places they hide, and you will only see them when it is wet out, or if you’ve been watering responsibly, or too responsibly. Around these parts, the snails (other than the invasive apple snail) are generally very small and easy to miss, and slugs are out there, but they are sneaky and generally do not go after your vegetative growth, even when it’s easy pickings.
Blessedly, snails tend to target only new, soft, young growth. For the most part, a mature plant, especially one that hardens off a bit, is more or less safe from snail activity, and can even benefit from it. A snail may nibble on the fruits of a larger plant because they are easy to gnaw through, but even then it is unlikely to kill anything. Worse actually—when this happens it leaves an open messy gash that disease and fungus can easily find a way into, and then those will kill your plant instead. So don’t let your seedlings nor the fruits of their labor near any snails. Otherwise, you really don’t have to worry about snails and can even invite them into the company of your little ecosystem (unless you too are convinced that they are actually aliens and actively want us dead).
If you don’t want snails around, the first, best thing you can do is rein in your watering. Around these parts, some times of the year you have absolutely no control over what the weather is doing, but you can amend your soil with compost, mulch, and other means to keep the moisture moving around. If you are growing in containers, make sure those containers have holes. Consider raised beds, rain gardens around your garden, and other means to keep puddles and chronic moisture from subsuming your space. And again, don’t overwater.
If you are stuck with swampy spaces, nurturing them can actually be a good idea. Encourage toads and frogs to find happy homes around your wet little plant world and they will chomp on snails plenty. Birds will do the same. Get some trees. If you can have trees, why wouldn’t you have trees?
More practically, and the answer that you probably wanted to hear all along—there is an effective product for snail control. Iron phosphate, most popularly sold under the brand name Sluggo, comes in liquid or pellet form (I would absolutely recommend the pellet version), and kills slugs and snails while remaining more or less entirely harmless to anything else you want alive or dead in your garden. It is organic, it is safe, it is cheap, and it works.
Also, squish them. This is not a good way to deal with a large infestation, but it is a good and easy way to mitigate smaller problems. I promise the snails are dying a less painful death between your fingers when you squish them than they would be if they were ingesting iron phosphate. Also, and significantly, killing bugs with your hands is a wonderful test of your humanity. I’m pretty sure I wrote something like this a couple of months ago regarding caterpillars, but snails are smaller and more alien, and therefore easier to kill without feeling feelings. And yet. One does feel when they kill with their hands. And if one doesn’t feel, one’s brain may be dangerously broken.
As such, squishing bugs is not only healthy, fast, and effective for both the snail and yourself, but it proves to yourself that you are not a sociopath and that you are considerate of the feelings of others, and helps you appreciate that the circle of life simply cannot keep turning without pain, sacrifice, and loss.
Speaking of, snails and slugs are fantastic decomposers. They have tiny mouths that cannot easily break down hardy plant materials, but upon magnified inspection, the teeth therein are actually microscopic horror show meatpacking-factory sawblades, perfect for ripping leaf matter and decaying wood matter and, yeah, dead flesh to bits. Snails make organic matter small enough for primary decomposers like worms and fungi and such to break everything down further. It’s why they love all the wet places so much (well that and because they almost certainly came down here from some very wet planet many wormholes away, seeing as how most of the other mollusks are seafaring creatures).
It’s OK to kill snails. What’s more, it’s OK to want to kill snails. So long as you are not actively enjoying killing snails (unless as alien overlords they are actively trying to murder and enslave us—which may be their right, honestly, considering how many of their kin we have devoured over the centuries—in which case, hecking right, revolt comrade!) you’re fine by me.
If you’ve got questions for the Dirt Nerd, feel free to email ian@hotplantsnursery.com or visit @hotplantsnursery.
illustrations by Rachel Speck
