Well y’all, we’ve made it to November, and boy is this a consequential month for the people of this nation and world. On the 5th we will exercise (hopefully) our Constitutionally granted and guaranteed right to vote to choose the next president of the United States. The outcome of this election will affect our lives in innumerable ways, and when I think about it I experience extreme intestinal distress and feel like my head is going to explode. Luckily, there is a day much more important and exciting this month to distract from the election shit show. On November 1st, we celebrate National Vinegar Day! Oh vinegar, the Robin to my Batman-esque eco-friendly, cleaning adventures. With its sassy, acidic composition, this high-class tart breaks down mineral deposits (literally dissolves marble, ouch!), dirt, and stains, banishes funky odors, and makes glass sparkle, amongst many, many other triumphs. But not only is vinegar a fantastical, purifying witch, her prowess with food is second to none. You ever heard of pickles? Well, slap your palms together for powerful C2H4O2, (acetic acid) for it often plays a big role in the pickling process. This acerbic marvel increases the naturally-occurring acid in foods, kills microorganisms, and slows down decay. Voilà, pickled morsels! Vinegar is a combo of between 4% and 8% acetic acid and water, born of a two-step fermentation process during which yeast feeds on the sugar or starch in the liquid of fruits, grains, potatoes, or rice. The solution ferments to alcohol and is then exposed to oxygen and Acetobacter bacteria species and left to ferment for weeks, months, or sometimes years until it becomes venerable, versatile vinegar. Derived from the French “vin aigre” or sour wine, it is also great for tenderizing, baking, seasoning, and food-coloring. And dayum, she’s been around for a long-ass time! Babylonians were taking advantage of vinegar for not only cooking and preservation, but for medicinal purposes and as a libation imbibed for strength and wellness way back in 5000 B.C.E. And y’all, vinegar is a supreme salubrious solution for our bods! Next time you get a tummy ache, drink two teaspoons of white vinegar. It seriously works. It’s also great for wound-care, easing coughs, and has even been shown to lower blood sugar. So on November 1st, put a candle in your pickle and sing the praises of vinegar! Now let’s discuss cleaning.
I have a ton of extra baking soda. What are some different ways I can use it in my house?
This question comes from my dear, badass friend, artist, writer, community activist, and sometimes employee Eli Underwood. Eli, I’m happy that you asked this, because I could tout the multi-purpose, transcendent, mystical powers of sodium bicarbonate til the day I die. Like vinegar, baking soda is a magician. This salt is composed of sodium cation and bicarbonate anion, and you probably have a box of this fine, white powder in your home. There are tons of uses for baking soda, but since this question is a fraction of an article, I’ll list four.
Stanks: I’m a HUGE (pronounced “yuuuge”) proponent of using baking soda to banish funky smells. Say your favorite Saints baseball cap is starting to smell sweaty-sockish (Dan Fox, my friend/editor-in-chief of this here magazine was recently dealing with this unsportsmanlike hat behavior). Baking soda is your man in the clutch! For this dilemma, cover the inside of the fabric of your hat (especially over the sweat band) with baking soda and let it sit for 24 hours. If you want to add a little extra oomph to your reek elimination game, place the hat in the sun all day whilst the baking soda does its work. The UV rays will help to kill any stink-causing microbes. After the time is up, shake out the baking soda. To remove any remaining white residue, use a vacuum with an upholstery attachment to suck it up. Touchdown!
An even more intense odor to banish is urine. When my insanely wonderful, weird chihuahua terrier Dingle was struggling with a brain tumor, he started peeing all over my living room rug. I thought I’d have to throw the rug away, but nope! Baking soda saved the ding dang thang. As soon as you notice a pee spot, tamp it lightly with a rag to remove the excess liquid, spray it with an enzymatic cleaner (I use Nature’s Miracle, which really is a miracle in my opinion), and pour baking soda all over it. Now cover it with a white rag. You’ll need to let this concoction sit for a few days. Every day, lift the rag. If you smell urine, spray it more, then pour more baking soda over the spot. Do this until not a niff of piss-stink remains. Finally, vacuum the spot to remove the baking soda.
Clogs: As a professional cleaner, I see lots of clogged sinks and bathtubs. A slow-draining tub or sink is one of the most annoying things I encounter when cleaning. It’s exceedingly hard to clean a sink or bathtub properly if you can’t rinse the dirty water out of it. A lot of the time, the cause of a clogged drain is hair that is trapped in the drain strainer (those little, metal bars that criss-cross on the inside of the drain), but sometimes the clog is further down the pipe. If this is the case, baking soda, white vinegar, and boiling water are a perf solution. Pour a 1/2 cup of baking soda and a 1/2 cup of vinegar into the drain. First watch the bubbly volcano born of the chemical reaction between baking soda and vinegar, then let the mixture sit in the drain for an hour, and finally pour boiling water down the drain until the water flows freely. Whoopee, free-flowing water!
Health: Heartburn is a real buzzkill. Luckily, our constant pal baking soda is a quick remedy for this ailment. Sodium bicarbonate is naturally alkaline, so it quickly neutralizes stomach acid and indigestion. Mix ½ tsp of baking soda with 4 oz. of warm water, and chugalug. You should feel better in no time.
Ever stepped on a stinging caterpillar? I have, and it really stings. Baking soda is great for easing the pain. First you’ll want to wash the stung area with soapy water. Next, mix baking soda and water to make a paste and slather it over the spot. This should help alleviate the itchy burning. Bam!
And these are just a sprinkling of the contributions that good ol’ bicarb blesses us with!
Got cleaning questions? Email isabel@antigravitymagazine.com
illustrations by Ben Claassen III | @dirtfarm
