♫Out of the tree of life, I just picked me a plum
You came along and everything started in to hum
Still, it’s a real good bet
The best is yet to come♫
Why do I quote a few lines from Frank Sinatra and Count Basie’s “The Best is Yet to Come,” you ask? Well, it’s the ding dang 50th installment of Tips From Theriot, and I hope it’s been as good for you as it’s been for me. Way back yonder in October of 2019, I mentioned potentially writing a cleaning column for this here magazine to Dan Fox, Editor-In-Chief of ANTIGRAVITY. I’d written two articles for the magazine in 2010 (a tour diary about my time as a roadie for Quintron and Miss Pussycat, and a Q&A with Bunny Matthews about his art show at Arthur Roger Gallery), so he was familiar with my writing style and was still interested in the idea! Dan is a fan of The Washington Post’s “Hints From Heloise” so he thought it was a cool idea. We tossed around what such a column might be called. Dan suggested “Ideas from Isabel.” I jokingly replied that “Tips From Theriot” had a ring to it, too. I then proceeded to completely forget about the conversation. Cut to 2020 and the beginning of the COVID-19 pandemic. In May of that year, Dan reached out to me and posited that this germy moment in history would be perfect for introducing a cleaning column. I agreed, and he said that my first article was due in two weeks. And now here we are celebrating the Golden Jubilee of this silly little column! According to Merriam-Webster, a jubilee is a noteworthy anniversary or the celebration of such. There are different gemstones or precious metals associated with each jubilee year, with each stone or metal symbolizing different characteristics of the respective anniversary. The more time that has passed, the more precious the element. For example, the 25th anniversary is the silver jubilee, and the 75th anniversary is the diamond jubilee. The two attributes of gold that resonate most with me analogous to this 50th Golden Jubilee are optimism and resilience, because writing this column has given me both. Your interest in (humoring of?) this little cleaning question-and-answer adventure has been a sparkling, aureate gift for me. Cleaning for a living can be very exhausting, physically and mentally. It’s wonderful to have this creative outlet that allows me to share the knowledge gleaned from all of that back-breaking, emotionally draining work that is picking up after others. Writing this column has also been a real lifesaver. When I’ve found myself drowning in the doldrums of my mind, the responsibility of getting this column done on time has kept me afloat, providing some real “Time to make the donuts!” moments. Thanks to you and to ANTIGRAVITY for sticking with me for nearly five years. Stay gold! I offer you even more cleaning questions and answers below.
How do I remove red rose petal stains from white sheets?
Ooh la la! How you got rose petal stains on your sheets is what I wanna know. Petals scattered across your sheets followed by some sweet, vigorous high-fiving? Or maybe you cut rose stems in your room, dropped some petals on your sheets, and now have a beautiful bouquet next to your bed? Either way, I hope that even though the introduction of roses into your life left a stain, it was worth it! Red roses contain a natural pigment called anthocyanin, which gives the flower that beautiful crimson color. This pigment is easily transferred to fabrics that come into contact with it. The longer a rose petal sits on a surface, the deeper and more ingrained the stain becomes. So act fast, ma cherie. Blot the stain with a rag dampened with cold water (do not use hot water, it will cause the stain to set). Squirt a few drops of Dawn dish soap into a bowl filled with cold water. Dip a soft toothbrush into this bubbly concoction and brush the stain in a light, circular motion. Now launder the sheet as you normally would. If the stain isn’t lifting, try adding a teaspoon of hydrogen peroxide to your soapy mix. I hope this helps!
How do I polish a gold ring?
Fauncy question. Oh gold, how I love thee. Like a cat, I am very attracted to shiny things. Costume jewelry is ma’ jam—the more golden baubles around my neck, the better. Gold is considered a precious metal, due to its scarcity, durability, electrical conductivity, and malleability, to name a few attributes. Gold is literally stardust, created when stars explode or collide! When a star explodes it’s called a supernova. There are several types. The magnetorotational hypernovae is thought to be the most likely of the supernovae to have enough energy to produce gold. Stars collide in an event called a neutron star merger. Gorgeous gold made its way to Earth four billion years ago, when asteroids rained down from the sky. The impacts of the ‘roids forced the gold into the Earth’s core. We are able to find the precious metal as it slowly makes its way to the Earth’s surface due to erosion. Yay, science—boom (literally), bling bling! Polishing gold is pretty easy. Soak the ring in a mixture of warm water and dish soap for 10 minutes. Dip a soft-bristled toothbrush into the solution, and gently scrub. Rinse, then dry it with a soft cloth. To add a little extra luster to the gold, polish it with a jewelry polishing cloth after it’s dry. If the ring is still tarnished, add baking soda to your soapy mixture and repeat the above process. Yay, shiny gold ring!
Got cleaning questions? Email isabel@antigravitymagazine.com
illustrations by Ben Claassen III | @dirtfarm
